You're Beautiful
by Axia0613
Summary: addisexaddex fic i will never be with you...Alex POV


Author's Note: hey guys this is my first attempt at fan fiction so be gentle ok… it's addisex/addex – I can't seem to stop thinking about them, they're my new 'it' couple I'm reading fiction, watching videos and just wishing, hoping, and praying to God that shonda will just let them be together in the show… HEAR THAT SHONDA!!! Ahem sorry about the rant… What color is addison's eyes? I made it green here because I think I saw it on the show but if I'm wrong sorry just ignore it…

Disclaimer: Greys anatomy does not belong to me… although I wish I did so I can change the title to bangs anatomy!!! Ok I repeat this is an addex fic I just don't have enough quips to channel my inner cristina yang maybe later…

Oh this is from Alex POV although I portray him as a serious character here. For me, Alex Karev in the show is just a cover up, there's more to him than just an ass and we're seeing some of his inner Alex in season 3 especially around Addison. That's enough proof for me, that's why I've officially jump the addisex bandwagon. Ok enough of this ridiculously long author's note and on to the fic…

I've always led a crappy life, my mother died giving birth to me my father always punishing me for killing the woman he loves. Not knowing the pain, the unforgiving anger I had but not for him but for myself. Anger that at such a young age, I've committed the greatest sin a son could do to his mother. Pain, because when I needed closure, forgiveness, my own father can't even let me have it. So I suffered. I suffered alone, learns to shut everyone else including my father. I learn to like it. The solitude of being alone, of having no one to please, no one to disappoint.

But then there she was… Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery no not Shepard. At least not anymore. With her bitchy attitude which covers her vulnerability. Dressed up in branded clothes, prada shoes, always looking so immaculate, not so much as an errant hair getting messed up by the surgical cap she wore during surgeries. The queen of the vagina squad. I resented her. I don't know why, maybe because of my loyalty to Meredith…naaah… or maybe because it's doctors – surgeons like her have the power to save my mother and didn't, couldn't. That's deep, too deep, too complicated, too much…

Though I think she's the most infuriating woman that set foot here on Seattle. I can't deny that she's very good looking, simply put, she's beautiful. She stands out even in crowded places. Not because of the clothes she wear, not the makeup she wore, not even that hot body of hers. No. It's not that. It's her fire that first attracted me to her. Sure her hot body is definitely a plus too. But it's her inner strength that gently, slowly changes my view of her. Her determination to show me that there is more to OB GYNE other than different styles of God given vagina. The way she matches me on verbal quips that I've come to expect from her.

_"Your ass is mine until I say so Karev. Congratulations."_

Eye to eye, brown to green. Her perfume lingering on my senses. I've never seen anyone so angry at me… Granted, I've got a smart mouth that set everyone reeling from time to time. But they return my quips with malice, revenge, to hurt me as much as I hurt them. But not with her. With Addison, she did it out of desperation, an attempt to show me what I've been missing, to teach me a lesson, that I could lose nothing but gain so much more if I just try. Try to respect her field. Try to be a decent guy. I just want to kiss her right then and there.

From that point on, I've got a plan. No, my plan does not include seducing McSatan simply because I'm the evil spawn. It's not about hitting Dr. Montgomery. It's not another attending-intern shag fest. No it's more than that. It's about challenging her and to be challenged. To learn whatever she's willing to teach me. To make her smile. To make her eyes light up. To make her proud of me. To find closure. To find my calling. To give vagina territory my best and succeed if I'm lucky. It's about her understanding her, making her feel safe, making her feel loved, making her mine. And finally forgiving myself and believing that nothing can be done about the death of my mother, accepting that it was inevitable to begin with.

There's just a big obstacle in my way. Dr. Mark Sloan, the plastic surgeon extraordinaire. My idol, who I want to be, all of which I'm training myself to be. Arrogant, rich, cold hearted, man whore. He situated himself besides Addison and don't look to be going anywhere soon. He never passes any opportunities to embarrass me in front of her. I don't know what to do, I think it's time to face the truth, I could never be with someone like her. One good thing comes out of my infatuation to her.

I got my closure.

I've finally accepted the fact that my mother's death was nobody's fault, in time I've forgotten the reason why I've taken the blame for my mother's death. And now, I'm hoping that time can also heal my disappointed heart and help me to completely forget my feelings for a certain red haired, fiery attending.

George's dad died. That's how plastics lost its hold on me. Plastics seems so trivial to people's live. A vain attempt to change God's creation. As I walk on by towards Joe's, something caught my eye, no, not something. Someone. SHE caught my eye.

_"hey"_

_"hey"_

And I don't think that I'll see her up close like this ever again, so I grab the nearest chair, acting nonchalant about it, looking strangely at her as she slowly, tentatively stroke my face. She's doing it so softly and tenderly in fear that she'll break me. We shared a moment that I hope will last till the end. She kiss me! No, not angry kisses I've experienced in the past. This is a slow, sweet kiss. Showing that soft side of hers. That vulnerability that first attracted me to her. Even with my eyes close. Only our faces and lips are touching, one thought occupies my mind… She's beautiful.

There must be an angel with a smile on her face, when she thought that I should be with you. Minutes passes. Both of us still shocked from the shared kiss. Then without even saying goodbye, you bolted and headed for the door, never looking back. You just left. Left me with another confusing thought. Confusing questions. What? Why? Did it really happen? No answers came in mind.

That kiss, our first and possibly our last, form the way you've been avoiding me this past few days. It aggravates the hell out of me. But I won't push. Your actions speaks louder than any other words that you might say. I'm disappointed at the same time relieved, as I started the painful process of facing the truth.

I can and will never be with you.


End file.
